Does anyone else feel slightly out of control with their foster care journey? I’m convinced that the way to find out if you’re clausterphobic is to schedule an MRI. Well, likewise, the way to find out if you need to be in control is to do foster care. There are many things to feel out-of-control about: the judges’ decisions, the parents behaviors around the kids and visits, which social worker you get assigned to, what opinions they hold and actions they take or don’t take. And, oh yes - our kids’ behaviors and medical needs!
After hours of behaviorists, mental health, classes, specialized instruction and mentoring, I’ve discovered that the feeling of control is temporary and fleeting. Although satisfying for the moment, once the illusion is shattered, anger and resentment, disallusionment, helplessness and guilt can set in.
Often, after all tools are exhausted, I find myself resorting to my own common sense. Mabye what my momma used to say or do. Maybe what a close friend has suggested. Once again, this may satisfy our need to feel like we are in control for the moment, but it ultimately passes.
So what do we do about issues that aren’t going away? How do we live in limbo, walking a tight rope over shark infested waters - places where we’re stuck and at a loss. We can’t force a child out of their trauma and make them stop smearing feces. We can’t force the court to make a decision that we feel is in the best interest of the children. We can’t force birth parents to “get it” and start putting their children’s needs above their own.
James 1:5 ~ “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives GENEROUSLY TO ALL WITHOUT FINDING FAULT, AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO HIM.”
Let’s encourage each other to ask of God - inquire of Him. Petition him for an answer to a SPECIFIC problem. He knows the bigger picture and it is nothing compared to the power, grace & peace that only He can pour out upon a situation.
Remember, “Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnesty that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops.” - James 5:17-18.
Now, what if Elijah had not prayed? What if, instead, he just thought about how badly he wished it wouldn’t rain and then worried about it all day long? What if every time it rained, Elijah just cursed and said, “Dang it! No matter what I do it just rains anyways!”?. I find myself getting stuck in paralysis. The issues can seem overwhelming and hopeless.
Let’s ask of God during this season. Let’s ask specific things, such as wisdom regarding how to reach a child’s heart and not just “behavior” them… ,which school to enroll them in and which doctor to take them to. Let’s ask Him to reveal the birth parents’ true motivations and anything that needs to come before the courts’ eyes.
Can we pray together?
Father God, we are in desperate need of Your wisdom and grace for this battle called foster care. We are in desperate need of your intervention in our child(ren)s lives, their trauma, their behaviors, and their families of origin. We pray mercy on their parents and families. But, we pray protection over the kids’ lives, their paths and destinies. We ask that you would put them and keep them exactly where you want them to be so that they can KNOW YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. We ask that you would protect them from ANY further trauma, abuse and neglect. Please give us creativity, ideas, revelation and PATIENCE. In your precious Son’s name. Amen
Father God, we are in desperate need of Your wisdom and grace for this battle called foster care. We are in desperate need of your intervention in our child(ren)s lives, their trauma, their behaviors, and their families of origin. We pray mercy on their parents and families. But, we pray protection over the kids’ lives, their paths and destinies. We ask that you would put them and keep them exactly where you want them to be so that they can KNOW YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. We ask that you would protect them from ANY further trauma, abuse and neglect. Please give us creativity, ideas, revelation and PATIENCE. In your precious Son’s name. Amen
~Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.~ James 1:2-4
