Seeing your child in uncontrollable pain is like clenching your teeth until they shatter.
It’s like swinging an ax into a pine with a 4-foot girth over and over and over again until your hands are bloodied and all 85 feet of glory come crashing down.
Seeing your child in pain is like smashing every square inch of glass out of every window in your home.
These are things I picture when I have to watch MY child in horrific heart-pain. These are things I wish I could do instead. Of. Watching. My. Child. Suffer.
My child was in severe emotional pain, very recently. He sobbed and sobbed and could barely get the words “mommy” from his sweet, tear-flooded mouth.
You see, my child lost in the womb when he had no control over the substances that invaded his body. My child lost when he entered the world addicted and traumatized by violence. My child lost as an infant when his mother made horrible choices. My child lost when the trauma and horrors of life split him from his brother. My child lost when his sibling and he were permanently separated into different growing-up homes.
My child came face to face with his losses again, recently. And this time, something broke. The tears of loss sloshed up against the wall of that great dam. And then, a crack.
Split.
Break...
.......
...........The tears came crashing down like rivers on his cheeks.
A flood.
I’m all he has left: The strange lady whose lap he was plopped into down at the CPS building two and a half years ago. The foster mommy that started taking long walks with him and showing him life and animals. The cook that fed him vegetables and fruits and yummy healthy treats. The playmate that sat in the sunshine eating popsicles and singing silly songs. The mommy that rocked him as he kicked and bit, spit and scratched, screamed and growled to get away from love and trust.
Damn you, pain. Damn you, abuse. Damn you, loss. Damn you, separation. You have caused My child pain.
I wonder if this is how the Lion of Judah feels as he watches His children suffering on this earth. I think it is. I think He feels angry, as I feel angry, and He is waiting for the moment when He can exact His holy judgement on the things that have caused His creation pain. For, He promises that some day. Some. Day. There will be a new heaven and a new earth.
He promises to wipe every tear from the eyes of His children who have suffered cruelly.
Tonight, I picture my son sitting in Joy with no more tears. No more pain. Only laughter and bliss. Oh, how I long for that sweet day.
Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
Father, tonight we come to you with our pain. Please soothe us and comfort us with Your presence - a beautiful prelude to an eternal and real heaven. Please touch our children - the ones we would smash and chop and break and shatter for. Thank you that Your love is even grittier than ours and that You demonstrated this by watching Your own Son suffer and die, so that He could be raised in splendor and glory and bring all men to Him. Help us in our humanity. Raise us to Kingdom heights with You! In Jesus' holy name. Amen
