#4 - 10/28/13. Praying for Rain

"Elijah was a man just like us.  He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years.  Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops." ~ James 5:17-18

My child has a broken brain.  My children have behaviors that psychologists and psychiatrists say will likely never get better.  My child has HIV and/or Hep C because of their mother's violent drug use, and then because she nursed her when she was born.  The court hearing is coming up.  No one is listening to me, and I believe my child(ren) will be molested when they go back home to their bio family.

As foster parents, we carry weights that many can only connect with by watching some cop/court show on TV, or a Lifetime drama.  But, for us, it's reality.  Who do we turn to?

Foster care can often be the black hole of isolation.  It's a vortex that sucks us in with turmoil, chaos and often despair.  Many times, we forget to reach out.  We isolate.  There are so many problems going on in our home, and so much to conquer on a daily basis, that we can't afford to branch out to a church function, or we can't imagine dealing with the behaviors that will ensue from our children during, or after such events.  So we stay local.  This isn't good, or bad.  It just is.

Elijah, I can imagine, was a pretty lonely man.  He carried heavy, unimaginable burdens for God's precious people.  He was constantly on the run for his life, and trying to balance his daily trials with holding the word of the Lord. He was instructed by God to speak God's word to Israel's leaders, in order for the people of God to repent and return to God instead of worshiping idols.  In fact, Elijah was the "only one of the Lord's prophets left" (I Kings 18:22).  That's a pretty big job! Do you ever feel like you are the only foster parent left?

At one point, Elijah found himself alone, and hiding in a cave, afraid he would be murdered. Now THAT is stress.  He was so stressed, that at one point he told God, "I have had enough, Lord, he said, 'Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.'" (I Kings 19:4)

When I read that, it makes me laugh out loud.  I have BEEN THERE.  We all think we're going to change the world, or we wouldn't have signed up to become foster parents.  But if we're in it long enough, we all have times where we tell God, in essence, forget it! Just kill me and find someone else, because I'm no better than any other person on this planet, and can't do anything to change anything.  Or maybe I'm the only one who's felt this way. :)

Back to the book of James, James references Elijah as being "a man just like us". You see?  He wasn't anyone special, without God.  This passage talks about "the prayer offered in faith (James 5:15), and also that the "prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" (James 5:16).  If we have accepted Jesus, we ARE righteous.  That means that our prayers are powerful and effective!

Have you ever thought your prayers could make the rain stop for three years?  And that, with another prayer God would hear and move and cause rain to fall?  I urge you, fellow brothers and sisters, who are plowing this difficult field, pray! Pray a prayer that is offered in faith.  Believe! Expect!  What does your child need?? What needs to happen in their biological family?  What do you need?? What does your marriage need?? 

Jesus bore it ALL for us, so that we could pray OUT OF VICTORY.  Today, don't come beaten down, mumbling out a measly prayer that you think hits the ceiling and falls back down.  Walk into God's presence, fully assured of His grace and love, and BOLDLY ask the all knowing, wise and powerful God for whatever you need.  Whatever you desire.  He is here. He is listening to us.  Offer a prayer of faith, now...

~E.S.

x

#3. October 18, 2013 - Walking a tight rope: don't look down!

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.  So then, don't be afraid.  I will provide for you and your children." Genesis 50:20-21a

Joseph was being obedient when he went out to the field on that doomful day.  His father had instructed him to go and find his brothers who were tending the flocks.  Even during his obedience, an evil plot was being stirred against him, to destroy his life and his family. (Genesis 37)

But... God.  Did you know we can have horribly unjust circumstances happen, even in the midst of obedience? We must remember: God doesn't waste anything.

I wonder what conversations Joseph must have had with God, as he was being sold into a caravan of foreigners by his brothers, after he had simply obeyed his father's command.  Like me, I'm sure you've had some of those same conversations.  Recently, mine have gone something like this: "Are you kidding me??! Reunification?!".

They say the first rule of walking a tight rope is not to look down.  Looking down strikes such fear and anxiety into a human heart that it can no longer focus on the goal - making it across the expanse without falling to the death.  But, if you're like me, it's too late! You've already looked down.  You've memorized every crevice of the ravine, the speed of the waterfall.  You've started a panicky stream of thoughts about what could happen.  So what do we do now, as we're teetering around, trying not to plunge to our deaths?

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

My friend, let's fix our eyes back on Jesus.  He is our Rock, our Fortress - our safe tower of refuge in which we can run in to and be saved.  Jesus told us that in this world, we will have troubles.  But take heart, for He has OVERCOME the world.  Let's persevere through the difficult behaviors, loss, bad social workers, agencies or judges, all of the not-knowing and the 'what ifs?'.  Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Let's trust in him together.  Lift your eyes up.  Focus and don't waver. Remember Joseph this week.  In time, He saw that all of his hardship, even during obedience, was for one purpose: to save lives.

Dear Jesus,
We thank you that you really do not waste any trial or loss in our lives.  We declare that, in all things, you are working beyond what we can see, and you are in control.  We thank you that you WILL work out all things for our good, as we seek to do your work.  We ask you to help us fix our eyes on you, through the power of your Holy Spirit.  Please help us to be still and KNOW that you are God.  Thank you that you already bore our burdens - these heavy burdens we carry for our children, when you were on the cross.  You went before us and walked a shameful and scary road, so that we can walk in peace and trust in how deep your love is for us, and for our foster children.  Please strengthen us today and give us perseverance and victory. 
In your precious name,
Amen

A Time for Everything

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time for war and a time for peace."

What does today hold for you? Do you get to embrace, dance, have peace, keep?  Or are you at war, having to tear down, having to mourn?  No one will ever understand the depths of each season, in the same way that a foster parent does.  It is sobering to me that the same God who gives gentle rain and beautiful golden rays, sends tornadoes and earthquakes, hurricanes and drought. 

I'll never forget our first phone call.  It was about a baby girl.  Gestationally, she wasn't even supposed to be born.  Yet, she'd been in the world for almost three months, living in a plastic tub at the local Neonatal Intensive Care.  Love at first sight doesn't begin to describe what we felt.  A living, breathing angel; our dream come true.  This one was a miracle, weighing only one pound at birth.  No one was visiting this sweet girl and she had developed an aversion to touch after being poked and prodded day in, and day out.  No one seemed to care.  We slowly earned the trust of the entire nursing unit, sitting in for every feeding and changing, and holding her in between.  Her sweet smell, her bright eyes filled my heart, giving me motivation to lose sleep, and spend all day and half the night in a cold, sterile hospital.  

The room was never silent; beeping machines alarmed nurses to pending crises.  Infants cried almost relentlessly.  I couldn't believe that my touch and my voice could bring so much hope and life to this incredible child.  This was my first taste of foster care.  As the days passed, she went from tolerating minutes of touch, to craving hours of touch.  Minutes turned to days, then weeks.  It was almost time for her to come home.  She was even a potential adoption.  We really didn't think it could happen this fast.  I mean, I knew God was good, but could He be that good?

Until...the phone call.  I had raced home to do the hospital laundry, in between feedings.  While the wash was going, I laid down for a few minutes.  I instantly fell asleep.  Any mom of a small infant knows you take it whenever and wherever you can get it!  I almost missed the call.  The ring sounded surreal in my dreams.  "Hello?", I muttered.  "Yes, Eunice? This is the baby's social worker.  I just wanted you to know that a family member has stepped forward and will be meeting the baby tonight.  This afternoon will be your last visit.  Thank you so much for all you've done."  So, after three months of laying in a plastic tub, someone finally decided to care?  I was stunned.  The nurses cried when they found out she wasn't going home with us.  Her only attachment in the entire world was now leaving her.  I couldn't comprehend saying goodbye.  How many of you have had a placement end abruptly?

Is God only good when things turn out the way we hope? 

Little did I know that this feeling would become a way of life, as a foster parent.  Embracing a young life in it's entirety, and in an instant; and then letting it go just as sharply.  To this day, when I walk into a hospital or smell medical soap, I go right back to that sweet baby girl.  Our first.  That season was so beautiful.  It was timeless.

Choose a moment today and breathe it in.  Thank the Creator for giving you this season.  Maybe to some, the air will threaten to strangle you with fear as you attempt to pause. Know that Jesus is the Prince of Peace. He is the head over all things and He reigns supreme (Colossians 1:15-20). This season, if the branches are bare and the wind is bitterly cold, know that He is the same Father that will bring the warm embrace of the sunshine, again.

Jesus, we thank you for all that you give us. We know you don't waste anything in our lives. Thank you that, in everything, you are working things out for our good (Romans 8:28). We ask that you would move in our lives. Please turn our eyes to you. Help us to see where you are in the circumstances of our lives, and to be thankful for what we have in you. We ask that, as we go to you with thanksgiving in our hearts and offer supplications and petitions for our foster children, that you would move mightily. We also ask that you would send us peace that overwhelms the fear and the uncertainty. Please keep our hearts and minds safely in You. In Your Name, Amen. 

~A poem of Seasons ~
Thank you for the soft, kind breeze
Blowing curls near small, red cheeks

Thank you for the sunshine, mild
That fell so perfect on that child

Thank you for the long, tense nights
They point me to the only Light

Thank you for the strength to pray
Without it, she may have died that day

Thank you for the water, warm
Washing tear-stained, tired & worn

Thank you for the last "bye" kiss
We know nothing, by You, is missed

Thank you for this moment, now
To reconstruct, time won't allow

~E.S.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

The words of Galations 6:9 haunted me today.  Our foster son (a toddler) has been with us almost six months now.  The meth is finally out of his system, for the most part.  He now lets us rock him at night and sometimes give me big hugs.  He's now in preschool and is involved in four agencies that help him develop normally, and to learn to cope with every day life.  He's learning to chew his food instead of swallowing it whole or choking on it.  Oh, and the long list of medical symptoms are almost completely compiled into solid diagnoses.  He has a nebulizer.  Medications. Over 40 appointments in three months. Done. Ship shape.

Now... time to be returned.

Sound familiar?  Are you kidding me?!  To be honest, on some days it feels like someone recklessly tore down a home, then lit it on fire.  The ashes and debris blew into the gutters and the house was unreckognizable.  Then, God knocked at my heart and told me to rebuild the house; only this time with solid, lasting materials, ornate decor, and pristine landscaping.  He commanded me to love this house back into existance, with every last beautiful, detail.  Then, I get a knock on the door.  I'm commanded by the court of law, which of course God commands us to obey, to hand the keys and the deed back to the destructive criminal...

Fair? No!  Even as I write this, I can feel the turmoil in my heart welling up.  Nothing in foster care is fair.  Take a solemn pause after this statement.  NOTHING in foster care is fair.  We all know that too well.

I wonder if pouring your 'everything' into a child, only to watch them go back to a biological family that has not demonstrated a heart-change, is anything close to what Jesus felt in the garden of Gethsemane.  In John 17:6-19, Jesus was praying in the garden.  He knew he was about to be murdered and to pay the highest cost for crimes he didn't commit, illnesses he didn't cause, and for bondages when he did not ensnare.  But, what was beautiful about our Lord is that he didn't just pray for himself during this hour of pain and incredible sacrifice.  He prayed for his twelve disciples, and ultimately all believers.  His disciples - the men he so lovingly poured into day and night during the three years he was in ministry. What did he pray? In large part, he prayed for their protection.  He prayed that they would be sanctified by the truth.  He knew well that the enemy hated them.  He knew the enemy would speak vicious lies to them, trying to change their identity and to lose everything he had taught to them.  He knew they would be tempted to doubt goodness, light, love and truth.  Ultimately, he also knew the world would look down on them and persecute them.  He was handing the twelve back to the same world that hated Jesus; leaving them on earth with the same humans that were about to murder him.

..."FOR THEY ARE YOURS" John 17:9b

Jesus knew he could let go of those he dearly loved and leave them to a violent, hateful world.  How could he know that (besides being God)?  What a strange thing to believe in, as he was about to be murdered.  Jesus knew he could let go, because he recognized that his disciples belonged to the Father. Our heavenly Daddy.  The Creator.  Pure Love.

This is one of the many ways that Jesus describes the Father to us, in his Word:
   
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31


THE FATHER ALWAYS KNOWS.  HE ALWAYS LOVES.  HE IS ALWAYS GOOD.
The love of the Father brought my foster son to me.  The Father's incredible love and goodness is what brought about the joining of you and your foster children.  The love of the Father also sent his own son - released his son, Jesus, to die on the cross in order to pay for our own children's injustices. The love of the Father gave me strength to tend to my foster son as he vomited daily and had diarrhea multiple times a day, for weeks, because of drugs that his mother allowed into his system.  This same love.  This same mercy.  I have to believe.  We NEED to believe.  Will follow our children all the days of their lives.

GALATIONS 6:9 "LET US NOT BECOME WEARY IN DOING GOOD, FOR AT THE PROPER TIME WE WILL REAP A HARVEST IF WE DO NOT GIVE UP".

Don't give up.  Our Father loves you.  He loves our children.  Take a deep breath and release it to God.  Envision handing your child(ren) into the arms of the Father as he embraces them and overwhelms them with his love.  Be still, and know that HE IS GOD.

Prayer:
Father, we acknowledge our dependence on you in every way.  We confess that we have hearts filled with anger and resentment, at times, towards the originators of our foster children's deep wounds.  We have anger and resentment toward the 'system'.  Thank you that you are not a stranger to horrible injustices.  Your Word says you were a man of sorrows and you are acquainted with EVERY GRIEF.  Thank you that you love our children with a pure and fierce love; a love that covers a multitude of sins.  We humbly ask that you would protect our children.  Please make their paths leading to You, to safety & health,  straight.  Make streams and gardens to grow in their desert places.  Bless them with love and laughter.  We ask for no more abuse, neglect or trauma to be in their lives.  We pray that Your beautiful will be done in their lives.
In Jesus' mighty name.

~E.S.
Foster Parent
California