In It To Win It

In order to finish our journeys well as foster and adoptive parents, we have to learn to forgive our children...

In fact, I'd dare say this needs to happen weekly, or daily in some circumstances. This week, one of my children stole from me. And believe me, it wasn't their first rodeo. To top it off, while he was living out his consequence for theft (and had received an amped up one because he's now older and knows way better), he stole again. 

There are times in our parenting of kids from broken places when all we want to do is find a dark closet, shut the door, curl into a ball and cry, hiding from all of the demands, frustrations, anger, sadness and fear that we are daily confronted with. But, as someone wise recently told me, "this isn't your forever". That bad day, that bad thing, the behavior, the violence, that hole in the wall, that broken lamp (the 29th one by the same child) is not your forever. Seasons change. People change. Life changes. Such is the nature of our existence. So, this isn't your forever, but is there a way to speed up some progress? 

If we want to see faster change and breakthrough in our families, we must forgive our children. I mean REALLY forgive them. 

You know that child - the one who causes you the most grief? Who directs the most hostility and RAD backlash at you when you extend your love for the 50,000th time? Well, some of us have at least two of those in our home lol. And sometimes we might feel like, "God, are you joking me? This is my life??" 

But I have found the thing that slows change and breakthrough the MOST in our families is the lack of forgiveness. When we fail to actively forgive and keep current with our Savior regarding our own failures as parents, our guilt and shame, and our grave disappointments in the choices our kids make daily despite all of our best efforts, we literally stop progress in our home. We allow the enemy of our souls a place to camp out in our family and to perpetuate wrong thinking, wrong actions and to stop all hope. 

Hope is like oxygen to us as foster and adoptive parents, isn't it? I mean, if for one second we start thinking "this kid doesn't have a chance", and "none of my efforts are going to make one bit of difference", then we just want to quit, right? We become disalusioned and a victim to our children's trauma. 

We are not and cannot afford to be victims of our children's trauma if we want to see lasting victory in our families. 

I'm making a spiritual jump by faith and saying that if unforgiveness hinders progress and healing in our families, than actively and purposely forgiving speeds up progress and positive change. Don't let your natural mind cancel out the raw power of forgiveness and release when it comes to YOUR child. Forgiveness is a spiritual reality that supersedes the person and the sin. Jesus knew the power of this, of course. He died so that we would be forgiven. He even released forgiveness OUT LOUD to the Father for those who had violently tortured him. 

So I'll tell you what I did tonight and maybe you can draw from it. I confessed my unforgiveness, pain, disappointment and general dislike of my child(ren). I forgave them OUT LOUD but PRIVATELY to the Lord. I asked the Father God to forgive me of holding back my forgiveness upon my child because they don't deserve it, when He so graciously pours His love and forgiveness upon me. I asked God to bless my child and our relationship, their emotions, body, mind, spirit, soul and future. Then, the cool part is, I felt hope again. And then the best part was: I got to go to my child and pray with him, blessing him with all of the newfound hope I'd received. Speaking good things over him instead of the daily disappointments. 

I invite you to remember forgiveness again. You've known it throughout different times in your lives - the power and freedom that comes. But remember to incorporate it into your day. Our children's sins are many and daily. But ours are too. So let's keep current with Jesus, the author of our faith, who promises to finish the good works He has started in us and in our children. 

Dear Jesus, I pray for the dear parents who read this. I ask that You would give us the courage to lay our pain down at Your feet and to actively and willfully forgive the children you've entrusted into our care. I pray freedom and hope upon our homes. I pray for new grace and mercy that comes with knowing this is not our 'forever' and You can and do change lives. I bless us in Your powerful name: with unity and peace in our families, hope and joy, love and trust, and passion to continue out this mission. 

In Jesus' Mighty Name,

Amen